you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize