mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
