So drunk its hurt
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize