im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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