u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
