all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
