the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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