I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
