Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize