He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish life had little blips of pornography
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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