You made me cry and you don't even care
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
