At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
