I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
