Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
