mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
