My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
