also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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