Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize