I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
