Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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