YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
