he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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