is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she told me i tasted like america
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
