I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
