omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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