As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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