his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
