Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
