Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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