Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
