He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
