I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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