So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize