Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
