Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina

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(740): View more from Ohio

i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.

Fav 26 1213 2943
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(623): View more from Arizona

Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?

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(626): View more from California

This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.

Fav 8 3104 1641
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(309): View more from Illinois

Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..

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(630): View more from Illinois

I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS

Fav 7 2598 876
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah

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(858): View more from California

Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.

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