my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
