I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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