Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
