This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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