i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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