Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's Friday. Sex?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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