ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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