we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
