Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
