You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
