i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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