so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
