Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
