Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
