If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
