Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
