i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
