I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
