I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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