Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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