you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
