I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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