We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you had me at cake vodka
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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