I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
