He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
