New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
