Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
