I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
