New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize