i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
