its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
