Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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