the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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