I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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