i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
did you just send me my own nude
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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