Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
