so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
