I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize