Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
