isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
