Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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